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Maybe she's rocking booty shorts on Instagram, wearing heavy Goth make-up to family dinner, or wearing crop tops to work.
If your own parents kept a close eye on what you wore as a teenager, you might be wondering if you should do the same — especially if you're concerned your daughter is flouting the school dress code, or dressing older than her real age because of peer pressure.
Talking about 'appropriate attire' with your daughter can be a minefield, and experts say it can have disastrous consequences for her self-esteem if handled clumsily. Here's what to keep in mind before broaching the topic.
Catherine Manning is the founder of Melbourne-based workshops that provide in-school self-esteem programs for girls and boys. She's also director of the children's rights advocacy group Say No 4 Kids.
She urges parents to question what makes them uncomfortable — and "who they're trying to appease" — before starting a conversation about clothing.
"A lot of those dress codes are very arbitrary. And if a woman wants to wear a singlet top at a school dress-up day, why do we have a problem with that?" says Ms Manning.
Ms Manning believes society's historical preoccupation with girls' attire is tied up in sexism and classism.
"We're not constantly looking at men's attire," she says. "Most dress codes for girls and women have their roots in patriarchy and religious institutions obsessed with purity."
This is not to say that you can never speak to your daughter about clothing.
But Ms Manning believes it's important to avoid veering into shaming territory, where girls' clothing and bodies — how they present them and what they do with them — are policed.
"The slightest comment to your daughter about what she's wearing can have a really lasting impact on her," adds Ms Manning. "So we really do have to be careful."
Abbie Chatfield, who has grown up in the era of social media, believes these old pressures to be 'sexy' but not 'slutty' are intensified by Instagram, TikTok and other social platforms.
Loading Instagram contentAbbie was 15 when Instagram was first released — and it was the first time she noticed the way girls were judged and labelled according to what they wore.
"You're either a prude or you're a dirty slut," the Brisbane-based podcaster and television personality said in a recent Instagram post.
Now 25, Abbie says she's regularly trolled online for her clothing choices. She's been told she's "dressed like a stripper"; that's a "two-pronged" attack, she points out, because "you're shaming the woman for what she's wearing, and at the same time you're also shaming sex workers and making them less of a human being".
She believes the age at which girls are bombarded with judgmental labels is "probably getting younger and younger" now that pre-teens are covertly using those platforms.
It's exhausting and confusing for young women, says Ms Manning: "We tell girls to be comfortable in their skin in one breath, and in the next breath we call them sluts. They can't win."
Parents can help by having their daughters' backs, building up their self-esteem, and avoiding the use of judgemental or shaming terms to describe their daughters' clothing, she suggests.
Should you ever tell your daughter she's the wrong shape or size to wear a particular outfit?
"My answer to that is a big hell no," says Salena Bhanji, Sydney-based counselling psychologist who specialises in body image and eating disorders.
"This basically sets the child up from an early age to say 'my parents are also judging me'," Dr Bhanji says.
Even if your comments are well intentioned, any comment that can be perceived as criticism can kickstart a restrictive diet that can even lead to an eating disorder, she adds.
Keep in mind that your idea of an 'appropriate' outfit might be based on your own internalised ideas of gender roles or gender identity (which don't necessarily resonate with your daughter).
Photo shows Illustration of woman curled up on the ground to depict the health consequences of body shaming women.
From a very young age women are taught to feel embarrassed about their body — and it's translating to a lack of confidence in raising issues about our health.
If you do think it's necessary to discuss your daughter's attire — for example, because you're worried it's not formal enough for a family wedding — Dr Bhanji says, "I would say, keep the conversation quite open and curious, rather than imposing anything."
Flat-out banning an outfit is often ineffective. It can also shut down communication between parent and daughter, says Dr Bhanji.
Instead, you can try asking questions like, "Why are you drawn to that particular style of clothing? How does it make you feel?" she suggests.
"It's about keeping that conversation open and giving lots of space for the teen to ask questions and also disagree with the parents' point of view, and for that to be OK," she adds.
Those conversations "are going to be much better cultivated in an environment where there's a connection, and where the child doesn't feel judged or criticised".
Ultimately, the only question that really matters when it comes to your teen girls' clothing is whether she's comfortable in her skin and what she's wearing — having regard to the weather, the venue and functionality (i.e. whether she'll be sitting, standing or dancing), Ms Manning says.
One conversation all parents should be having with their daughters, according to Ms Manning, is a discussion about how girls are objectified in our society from a young age.
"Girls are bombarded with messages throughout pop culture that tell them they have to be sexy 24/7, that their 'hotness' is their currency," says Ms Manning.
"There's a lot of pressure to be very appealing to the male gaze," adds Abbie.
It's important to help your daughter recognise that while dressing to feel desirable is a legitimate expression, "this should never be motivated by pressure to conform to narrow ideals," Ms Manning says.
"We have to be careful that the discussion around girls' sexualisation doesn't ignore the fact that children do have a developing sexuality; that we're not stomping on and erasing their genuine desire to express that creatively, or that we're painting them as victims."
Also, keep in mind that teenagers love experimenting with their appearance, Ms Manning says. Your daughter might just be trying out a new look or working out what suits.
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